Someone Like You

Memory: You know how the time flies only yesterday was the time of our lives.

December 24th 2009: I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it....and I had hoped you'd see my face and that you would be reminded that for me.... it isn't over.

Memory: Never-mind I will find, someone like you.. I wish nothing but the best for you....

December 24th 2009: I've heard that you've settled down...that you found a girl, and you're married now. I guess she gave you things, we couldn't give to you. I hate that I turned up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it... and I had hoped you'd see my face and that you would be reminded that for me...............it isn't over

Memory: Never-mind I will find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you.

Nothing compares, even regrets and mistakes they are memories made. Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste.

A birthday wish for the dead

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday unfaithful grandpa

Happy birthday to you.

I hope you like "my" version of the Birthday song. You are 75 today and it's hard to believe that three years have gone by. We know how time flies, and only yesterday was the time of our lives. You made a choice, left our hearts bleeding red, with nothing but a memory, here is a birthday wish for the dead.

Even though I have cried and have a tear stained soul, I wish you well, long lost grandfather, I wish you well.

The memories

I get lost in my memories. Some good, some bad but nevertheless a memory. I am thankful for my memory, for the ability to go back in time and remember all that has happened.

November 29th, 2004

Hey baby,

Well, I just got home from seeing you again and I just praise God for His undying love for me and you. My friend just wrote me an e-mail that said "you are the apple of God's eye." I experienced that that is soooooooo true!! What are the chances that your bus would break down? more so, what are the chances that it would break down while you were still in cali? now, WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THAT IT WOULD BREAK DOWN IN MY FRIGGIN' TOWN???!!!! All I see is the same thing that I"ve seen ever since God brought you into my life, God giving me to you because He loves me so much. Because He loves US so much. Man I love God Sooooooooooo much he is so awesome.

It was so great spending time with you, baby. I treasured every moment so much. Being close to you, being RIGHT THERE! Dang, it was the best ever. A weekend with God and you! That was perfect!! That means that our future will be perfect, because God is perfect. Yajaira, You are the most beautiful and Gorgeous woman of God that God has ever put in my path. I believe with all of my heart that God Created you for me. I believe that His Plan for us was created by Him even before the earth was created. I believe that one day I will marry you and together with God first, We will be the happiest married couple on earth. Well, I have so much to say to you, but I hope to tell you most of it on the phone. All I wanted to say in this e-mail was that you, my snowflake, are a blessing to my life, I praise God for you and I love you.

With love from the guy that you left missing in Cali yet happy to have seen you,

Junior

I read this email over and over again.........God continues to love us so much

Behind

A visual representation of what I call SEXY!!! None of this skinny, dangly bull crap!!! Muscle is where it's at!!!!

UGH!!! THIS PICTURE MAKES ME WANT TO LIFT 24 hours a day!

Pretty Papers

They say that people do not value moments until they become memories. Well, there are a few moments or shall I say memories that I wish I could discard. Some of these memories have printed themselves on expensive photo-paper. I will soon toss them into a blazing fire. Sometimes moments that are valued, turn into nothing but regret.

I will turn on the fire, sit back, and watch the edges of the paper start to curl up and give into the heat. Trust me, it's better this way.........

A song for the love of my life, because I miss him sooo much

Click Here

"Make You Feel My Love"

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love

Dear Grandpa:

I know you will never read my letters to you but I have to get this off my chest. I think about you all the time, and I cry almost every day. Grandpa, why did you leave us? Why weren't we worth it to you? Why did you drive away from me? Why didn't you fight for your family? How are you doing? Are you ok? Do you have enough to eat? Are your hands tired from working all day? Is your hair turning more grey as the days pass by? Are you miserable? Do you think of us when you wake up, or have you erased us from your memory? We are all still here. We have managed to survive without you. You used to be our everything. You were our rock, the one we looked up to, the one we were proud of... We adored you!

Grandpa, I just got engaged! I wish with all of my heart that I could have called you to tell you. I'm getting married Grandpa.. Remember when you promised to be at my wedding? Remember when you told me that one day I would make a beautiful bride? It's finally here and i'm broken inside because I know you won't be there. You won't see me in my beautiful white dress, you won't hold my face in your hands and kiss me on the forehead like you used to. I won't see you cry tears of joy, and you won't see me on one of the most important days of my life.

I'm happy Grandpa, I found the man of my dreams and he's nothing like you. He doesn't lie, and he loves me completely.. You would be so proud, you would be happy to know that I'm going to be alright..

I know I will cry on my wedding day when I look around and realize that you are not there. But for now, I will hold my head up and I'll move on. I'll let you know in this letter that you are not invited. I don't want you to call me or write me. I want nothing to do with you. Just know that all of my dreams have come true. The dreams you had for me are coming true.. It's just so sad that you are no longer a part of any of them.. I cry for you, and you're not worth it.

Goodbye Grandpa

The Proposal August 27 2011

August 27th 2011

The day started out as a blessing. I was able to serve alongside my boyfriend(now fiance) at Adopt-a-Block Ministry. I enjoyed every minute of it, and fell completely in love with the opportunity to serve others. My boyfriend then presented a wonderful idea to me " Let's go to Napa" he said...and I said "yes!" Napa is one of the most beautiful places on earth and on this occasion, we would be visiting a real castle. The day grew hotter and hotter, but we still made our way to Castillo de Amoroso and I was blown away. The most gorgeous castle I have ever seen! It was so beautiful, almost dreamy like---unreal! We were there for maybe an hour because I decided to not take my boyfriends advice on taking the guided tour(my fault).....

Since I get really moody when it's super hot-I told my boyfriend to a) take me to a movie where it's nice and cool or b) take me home! I'm horrible I know :)

But, he has another idea... he says, "let's go to SanFrancisco?" I say yes and we get in the car and head towards San Fran... Little did we know that there would be tons of traffic and horrible weather... Even though there was tons of traffic, I was enjoying my ride with him... I don't get to see him often, so any opportunity I get to be with him is amazing! Even if it's sitting in traffic with him... I'll take it..... We drove for hours and the fog would not go away... Jr ended up taking a wrong exit twice, and we ended up paying toll twice.... all of this made the mood in the car very tense.... In my mind I had removed the possibility of a proposal because the weather was so bad... Jr was angry at the weather and the wrong exit and his gps not working that I really didn't think anything was going to happen.. I'm sure he though the same.. The weather was horrible on a summer day.... and after going off the wrong exit again... Jr decided to end our trip, after our many failed attempts... and just go home!

So i agreed, let's go home....we had been driving for a while and the weather was ridiculous! But... what we didn't know, was that God was working it all out for us... Just ten minutes after we decided to head home, we turn and see the fog lifting, and a pink sky settling in.

It started off slow, light pink, dark light pink, darker pink, and then full on pink sky.... Jr, quickly got off on an exit and we ended up in this neighborhood with a pathway to a beach.... Jr said we had to take a picture together and I agreed, it was something quite rare! Jr pulls me out of the car, we walk quickly down the path and to the beach for a picture... He asks two guys if they would kindly take a picture and they said " no!"

To those two guys I say: Thank you for saying no because you probably would have run off with our cameras!

We ask another couple and they say yes!! Jr is happy and I'm happy and he asks me to position myself under the pink sky, because at any moment it could all disappear and we would have no proof of it! So, down to the beach I went, and Jr explained to the couple how to properly use the camera... As we were taking pictures, I held on to him tightly, and smiled!

Then, all of a sudden Jr gets on one knee... I said "are you serious?" I was completely taken by surprise! He was about to ask me to be his wife, and just moments ago we had been stuck in traffic with fog, rain, wind, and horrible gps satellite reception. But, it was real... my once in a lifetime moment had arrived... Jr looked up at me with the ring in his hand... With tears in his eyes he asked me to marry him...... I said YES!!!! I looked around and started to cry... It was a dream come true... Here was the man of my dreams down on one knee, and a pink sky all around us... This is how I imagined it, it seemed impossible, a dream that couldn't quite possibly come true... but it did... The love of my life asked me the most important question of my life... he asked me to be his wife.. to be his lifetime partner, to be his forever... and without a doubt in my mind I said yes!!! Seconds later he puts the ring on my finger.. A gorgeous absolutely stunning ring on my finger and I about faint just looking at it!!

Everything felt unreal... but it was very very real! God, the creator of the earth made it possible for Jr to make my dream come true... He loves us, he cares for us, he listens to us when we make silly requests like " proposing under a pink sky!"..... Those couple of minutes are engraved in my memory forever.... I will soon be Mrs. Lopez.... May 26th will be OUR wedding day... and we will become husband and wife!....

Dear husband to be: You have made me the happiest woman on earth. You could have dismissed my silly request for a pink sky, but you didn't.. That's the kind of love you have for me, the kind of love that will go out of it's way to make the impossible become reality! You love me and I love you with everything that I am.. I will say "yes" for the rest of my life.... Soon it will be "I Do" ......and yes, I DO want to be your wife, and I Do want to wake up to you every morning... I Do want to share my life with you.... and I Do believe that God created you just for me.....

Let the celebration and planning begin! We are getting married!

Memory Keeper

Do you ever think about the ones that hold your memories? Each second,minute,day,month,year we create memories. Some memories are better than others but regardless of what the memory is, at some point you share them with someone else. Maybe it's your mom, dad,brother,sister,best friend, cousin, ex-girlfriend,ex-boyfriend, etc.. Whoever they are, they are forever linked to a certain memory filled segment in your life. I can't help but think of all the memories I have created and of the ones that have shared those moments with me.

To someone else:

But what about the memories that you've created? What about the memories that have nothing to do with me? For example, college years, past birthdays, etc.. I recognize that I'm part of your life now, together we make memories that look nothing like years before, but it still doesn't stop me from wondering. There are significant others who hold those memory pieces whether they are good or bad, they are linked to the specific moment in time with you. When you go back and think about your teenage years, or when you think about your childhood, you will never be able to link any of those memories to me. People you've met, who you might have only met once or twice now hold those memories.

In the meantime, I was creating memories of my own, younger years, teenage years, high school years, and I hadn't even met you yet--there are those that hold pieces to my past just like you have too.

I can't go back and change things, you can't go back and change things either.. No one can! I was introduced to you at a specific moment in time, (it's not what I would have wanted, sometimes I wish I would have watched you grow up, or even had gone to the same high school as you) but, would that have changed things?

Sometimes I think that if things would have gone my way, I would have screwed it all up. That's why I left it all in God's hands and he knew exactly when we would meet. God didn't want me to have any pieces of your past memories. He didn't want you to hold any pieces of my past either...I understand now, we are slowly creating new memory pieces together and they are beautiful. You hold every single one of my memory pieces now-we are linked together, there is no one else who gets to hold them but you....and I wouldn't have it any other way..

I'm glad you didn't meet me when I hated the world

I'm glad you didn't make memories with me when I was self-centered and stubborn

I'm glad you are not linked to the days when I wanted to end my life.

When I think of you, when I think of us, I think of NOW, I think of TOMORROW, I think of FOREVER....and those are the memories that will last a lifetime.

the ones I NEVER WANT TO FORGET....

Thinking

I saw a picture today of someone who used to own a grocery store in Mexico. This lady brought back memories of when I used to walk into her store and buy lots of Mexican candy. This particular person is not who this blog is about...it's about another person, a man who lived two blocks from that store.. I grew up knowing this man, actually, he is very much alive. Today, as I looked at that picture, as I saw her face, old and with wrinkles.... I couldn't help but think of this man..

To him I write

Dear Man,

Did you wake up today and feed the horses? Did you tell your mistress to make you food and did you take one of your sons with you to the ranch? Did you ask her to press your shirt like my grandmother used to? Did you look yourself in the mirror this morning, while slapping on a bottle of strong cologne? Did you comb your sideburns and brush your mustache like you used to? At one point, did you look yourself in the eyes and think of me? Did memories of your family hit you like a ton of bricks? Were there tears this morning? Were there any regrets?

Did you yell out to your youngest son as you closed the gate behind you? Did the dust from the road you travelled on fill up your entire truck?

Are you tired? Does your face show the pain you feel and the pain you have caused? I can only write to you....but honestly I wish I could watch you from a distance. I wish I could hide behind a tree and watch you go about your day====I know exactly what you do in a single day, it plays in my head constantly...Your daily routine is engraved in my mind...

Do your hands hurt from working? Are you sunburned from long days on the ranch? I don't know when I will see you again....maybe It will be when you are no longer breathing, when you no longer can say a word, when you are lifeless...... It'll be too late then!

Today, as you go about your day--I hope that something makes you think of me! I hope you look at a painting, or a small flower on your land--maybe music, or the simple smell of burning garbage---maybe that will trigger it.........I know I think of you each day---I don't want to think of you each day, but i just do-----Damn you for the pain and the hurt you caused our entire family!!!

Sincerely, me

A couple of weeks

I've got one month....I used to have 5 months....but now I only have one month.

I can't go back and change things, I can't sit around and continue to watch the months fly by......

Day 1 of 31----I hate day 1!!!!!

My appointment with the pretty hair is at 11:30------It's going to be BRUTAL!!

Ideas

Color me Happy

Wedding Colors for May 2012